Sunday, July 17, 2005

Family 

I went to see my cousins J & J2 today, at their house in Sunshine. Damnit, I miss em already. J is the only cousin who's around my age, and when we were kids, we always used to play with each other. Actually, most of the happy memories I have as a kid are with him. We built castles out of chairs and blankets and sofas and camped in them, imagining our dream houses and making little secret channels to talk through. Once at my mum's old bakery, we climbed out of the top floor window and sat on the verandah roof thing, til someone across the street spotted us and dobbed us in. We both served at the shop and were bribed to speak Vietnamese together.

In our early teens, when J's dad - my mum's brother - left his mum, we sort of drifted apart. There was some sort of feud between our mothers, plus the tension of the divorce. Our paths diverged. He became the family's black sheep, failing the VCE because of attendance, of all things. Crashed cars, partied hard. I was the fricking golden child, private school, top marks, all the appearances.

I always suspected, though, that he was the good one at heart. And I was right. At 20, he's almost an adult. Easygoing, wiser now, independent, social, kind. Next to him I feel like a sheltered kid, still all immaturity and defensiveness. So many "nevers": never partied properly, never been kissed, never worked, never driven.

His sister I knew less well, since she was pretty young when our families split. Recently, we've started chatting on MSN. She's a funny kid, sweet but trying to be tough. She told me about her play at school and her enemies and choir and her cousins. Tried shocking me by swearing (I obliged). Something defiant in her.

Their mother was also a bit hard to read. I had a sense that she was scrutinising me, wary, daring me to look down on her. And yet, I admire her for what she's accomplished. Single mum, still doing piece work, raising two kids. The house is impressive, new and furnished with taste. I don't know if I passed the test. I feel a bit silver spoonish.

It wasn't all ease, some moments of awkward silence, some misunderstandings. But overall, I was sad to leave, having just started to get to know them again.

# posted at 8:10 pm

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