Thursday, October 21, 2004

Rock, hard place 

I just received a letter from the Uni of Newcastle. On the 16th of November, fate/god/two interviewers will decide whether I'm going to be a lawyer or doctor.

Holyfugginshit.

I'm not sure what would be worse, not getting in...or actually being accepted. I've prepared for the former eventuality, but the latter? I have the slightest suspicion that I haven't given it enough thought. Well, actually, it has kept me up a few nights, but I never thought I'd be this close to being accepted. Medicine has always just been a "I want to get in but...yeah right, as if" type of thing.

Law isn't terrible, but I'm not sure if I'm suited for it. You know what they say about competitiveness at law schools? That's spot on. It's dog-eat-dog. I suppose it's useful for training you to be an independent thinker and preparing you for the hardassed real world...but I don't want to live in that world yet!

With Med, at least you're working in a team to actually try and do something good for someone. Even if you can't fix it, at least you're trying. At least you're not just trying to extract $x000 000 from Party A for Party B. And you get to interact with real people from the beginning. And being a compassionate, caring person is actually valued in the profession. I know there are plenty of principled lawyers out there, but you have to admit, when you're looking for a lawyer, you want someone as hardassed as possible.

Then again, the science part is scary. Chem was part of my top four VCE subjects and Year 10 biology was fun, but I'm not sure if I can suffer a life of constantly having to read journals about amoxylperiphyxemolysis (made up, btw) and whatnot. I'm interested in the human body and what medicine can do to fix the broken bits, but the details are sometimes a bit tedious, yknow? And holy cow, is it possible to stuff 2000+ years' worth of knowledge into this thick skull?

There are also the side-effects (HAH) of the profession. The constant threat of litigation, for one. The hours. Bureaucracy in hospitals. Insurance. Medcest (for the unitiated: med incest- see "Med is life". The possibility of maybe killing someone or really fucking them up. The way med basically owns you forever.

And another thing: Arts is quite fun. Choosing the wrong subjects (International Business & Politics, sem 1 = torture) made life hell for a while, but French was great with this super-duper teacher and World Politics is really fascinating despite the droning lecturer (two-hour lectures at 8am!). It's the only subject where I'd actually read journal articles for fun. It's the only subject I'm studying where theory has life-or-death implications.

Egads, I don't know. I really don't. I suppose it's a good dilemma to have. I've got a secure spot in USyd law, ferchrissakes, and a possible spot in one of the top med schools in the country. I'm just afraid I'll make the wrong choice and will wake up one day a bitter lawyer/doctor kicking myself for not sticking to law/trying harder to get into med. I can't keep changing my mind! If only I could do a try-before-you buy sort of thing, defer my law course while I taste-test med.

Man this is incoherent and self-indulgent....wait, that could be the tagline of this blog!

In case you're getting a sense of déjà vu...

# posted at 11:03 pm

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