Sunday, August 15, 2004

Angst trip, numero 12097 

Why is it whenever you look forwards to something, you're disappointed? I've been anticipating my weekend to Melbourne for the past week, and yet on returning, I'm deflated. I was hoping that a trip home (there's a loaded word) would anchor me, but I feel even more adrift. Perhaps unhinged is a better word.

My school's one year reunion just confirmed my idea that indeed, my fellow Old Collegians and I have nothing in common except being stuck in the same uniform in the same collection of buildings for x years. That includes my group of friends as well, not just my "acquaintances-I-kinda-give-a-shit-about-but-not-enough-to-actually-keep-in-contact-with". Sure, it was good to catch up with people, hear about what they're doing, but the same thing would have been accomplished if we'd sent mug shots with "What are you doing? Oh, I'm doing . In . Hm, it's kinda...meh. Got your Ps yet? Nah, neither. Yeah I suck as well. Well, nice seeing you" scribbled on our foreheads.

I mean, what is the right reply to "how is Sydney? how do you like your course"? I can't very well say that actually the sky is very beautiful and it keeps me sane, although there are days where I want to belt out a Broadway version of "THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD" at uni to see if anyone will notice. People just want to hear "great! I'm loving it!" because anything else is just Too Much Information. They don't want to know that my mother and I are driving each other insane and that I miss Melbourne like crazy but it's no use coming home because everything's changed, and I don't even know where home is any more, in fact I don't know anything any more, like how to act like a normal young person because somehow I missed out on the whole friendship/courtship/keeping-shit-together gene or I'm like maturationally-retarded or something.

Forget that, someone just give me a good hard slap.

No, not like that, you sicko.

# posted at 12:17 am

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