Friday, December 12, 2003

I'm ba-ack 

You know what I hate about coming home from abroad? People ask you how it was, you answer with little funny anecdotes and wacky adventures and misadventures. You distil the experience so that all your memories are stored up in these little stories until you forget what it was really like. It's reduced to postcards, snapshots, pretty and amusing, but ultimately a little false.

I did have some funny moments in Vanuatu, involving falling twice in a row off a kayak in still water, trying to pay in New Caledonian currency, etc. I've already told these stories to at least three people. Already my week in Vila is being fossilised. Instead, I want to preserve some of the truth of the trip.

The miscellaneous: Endless card games of Tien Len. 19°C room due to Christine's penchant for sleeping in an igloo. The sweetish smell of ni-Vanuatu people. Blong, the mini tam-tam man. Richard, the guide who broke off a banana leaf to use as an umbrella. A giant fish that bit of a ginormous chunk of coral, making me hide my fingers in fear. Throwing the fish food away from me, because those fish were freaking scary. Orange jelly that turned out sludge-brown and grainy. Shopping for coconut bras. Ingenious plan of wrapping beef and cheese around frozen water-bottle to keep them cool for a picnic on Hideaway Island. Mocking the really, really bad French variety TV show involving a 50-year old archess in a G-string, and an Austrian cowboy. Exchanging worried looks when in a taxi at night with a driver who seemed like he didn't know where we were going. The search for duffy flucks. The Architect-impersonator who sat in the same place in the lobby every night smoking his pipe. Battling a can of corned beef. The weaving lady laughing at us for panicking at the sight of a huge (probably harmless) insect. Braving the wooden suspension bridge. Watching a documentary on anorexia. Driving on uneven roads past lush green.

The bad: Mosquitos. Earache from a waterlogged ear (my right ear is still kind of deaf). Flies. Headache from waking up. Stickyness. Reapplying sunscreen. The deadly smell of insect repellent. Impatience my friends' indecisiveness. Testiness and resentment about who would cook and do the dishes. Lack of any real heart-to-hearts. Walking around Vila in the middle of the day in the stinking heat. Sharing a double bed with another person (I like to spread!). Watching "Sweet Home Alabama", "Agent Cody Banks" and "Pirates of the Caribbean" multiple times. The yukky leaves and mud at the foot at the Mele Cascades. Perpetually soggy and therefore stinky bathers. Wet-bum syndrome. Too much packet food and MSG. Citrus crush. White mineral crap floating on our boiled water. Getting ripped off when buying Kava, and losing 1000 vatu. Untangling my hair each night before showering. Gross mottled tan. Sukey getting pukey and Kaylyn losing her voice. Christine trying to force closeness by asking searching questions. Drinking several bellyfulls of sea-water. Standing up a taxi-driver with whom we'd made an appointment. Puffing after a climb up the stairs at the Cascades. Walking barefoot on (dead) pointy coral. Sleeping in a room stunk out by cooking Spam. Returning wet pool towels.

The good: All the friendly waves from the locals. Eavesdropping on francophones. The cool relief of walking inside an airconditioned supermarket to escape from the noon heat. Belly-aching giggles at the stupidest jokes with my friends. Waking at 8 and not getting out of bed 'til 11. Butterscoth icecream just before dinner. Cracking up at the sight of apples that we accidentally froze in the fridge. Having a yelled mini-conversation with the locals while paddling in the lagoon. Not crashing the catamaran we miraculously managed to sail. Breezes and dipping legs in cool water. Getting giddy on bad raspberry vodka. Eating a salad, ham and cheese sandwich after a day of having 3 MSG-meals. Enjoying said sandwich in front of the Blue Lagoon, sparkling in the sun. Phoning the room next door. A late-night conversation with Sukey, whom I didn't know as well. No computers and no blogs. The freedom and privacy of kayaking alone, on our last full day. Shade. Cheap and delicious burgers. Getting over my friends' flaws. Sudden strokes of brilliance in the shower. Poo food: Full o' fruits, pawpaw, Weetbix. People actually knowing where Melbourne is. Hearing Bislama spoken. Hearing Japanese spoken by a ni-Vanuatu woman. The beauty of the locals. An unexpected smile from a girl waiting at a bus stop. Wading in the pool beneath the Cascades and splashing my friends. Dripping lemon icypole out of the window of a taxi. Lack of any major arguments or mishaps. Seeing people I recognised from last time. Catching a doco on the Romeo & Juliette musical. String bands. Speaking in muddled sentences and my friends still understanding. Heart-shaped ice trays. Fresh towels and toilet paper folded into a triangle every day. The tranquility of the lagoon. Finding a warm current when snorkelling. Giggling over the "DIY orgasm" article in a magazine. Freedom to swear and tell bad sex jokes. Frangipani flowers. Sunset over the bay. A gecko on a neighbour's door. Electric-blue starfish and squirty sea-cucumbers.

That's Vanuatu to me.

# posted at 12:52 am

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