Friday, November 21, 2003

Free to do what I want, any old time 

Yes, dear readers reader void....I'm a free woman! And you will never have to see me blog badly in French again. God, those posts were crap. Apologies. Anyway, the exam was over on Wednesday and went pretty well, except for the fact that I probably wrote over the word limit, which is the stupidest way to lose marks. Sigh. Anyway, the last few days, I've been staying over at my friend Christine's house. After the French exam, we had a little party for the final of Australian Idol*. Yes, that squeal you heard at 9:45pm was us. Yesterday her mum took us shopping in Springvale, and we got caught in the Biggest Mother of a Storm ever. My shirt and pants were soaked as if I'd stepped in a shower fully dressed! Monsoon in Melbourne.

It hasn't really sunk in yet that school's out forever. At odd moments, I'm struck by the "never-agains": no more assembly, no more prayers, no hymns, no more school shoes, no daggy tartan uniforms, no detention. No blazers, no cross-country running, no houses, no form sport or house sport or any sport, if I don't want to. No more teachers. The thing is, I'm not as elated as I thought I would be. It's more a mixture of nostalgia and fear and anticipation and regret and disbelief and guilt.

Speaking of guilt, Stephanie's description of post-study phantom guilt, quoted by Martine, is really spot-on. I still have a knot of guilt constantly nagging at me, although it's not really a phantom, since I did hardly any work this year. Terrible but true. I spent more time reading Mefi than memorising my French oral! If I get a decent mark, it's out of sheer bullshitting skill. If I get a bad score, I won't have anyone to blame but myself.

I guess the agony of waiting adds to this uneasiness. Results come out on the 15th of December. We don't get uni offers until mid-January, but you can pretty much guess if you'll be accepted, based on your result. Do you know what score I need to get in what I want to? 99.6 ideally, or 99.4. That's a percentile.

Ah well, not much I can do now. I'm going to Vanuatu with 3 friends in a week and a half, so perhaps I'll distract myself organising that.

*(GUY WON! Hurrah!) By the way, World Idol is now official...can't wait.

# posted at 7:01 pm

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